Christians versus lions: how did the Tempores Romae report that fixture? Did the mob at the stadium get behind one particular lion, the striker in the team? Was there a Colosseum reporter, come hot-foot from today’s game, dictating a match-report? Did a stable of copying serfs curse their Officium quills at their Dellus stationes operae, each convinced in his heart he would be more creative and productive if the management chucked this junk, and issued him with a Malum ProLiber xvii unciles?
So much for Malcolm’s morning reverie. And what, the gentle reader asks, prompted this imginative flight?
Well, Malcolm, a die-hard old Leftie, is gleeful at the coming Senate election in Florida. Ms Katherine Harris, at enormous personal expense, has just won the Republican primary , and takes on the sitting Democrat Bill Nelson in November.
Cis-Atlantians may struggle to recall this heiress to a fortune in oranges. She emerged onto the World stage as Florida Secretary of State in the 2000 Presidential Election saga. Now, quite why Florida should need what is, in effect, a Foreign Minister is open to question. Our Kate was up to the job, however. She managed to spend $106,000 on ten foreign trips in just 22 months. In 2001 she was budgeting $3.4M for Florida’s foreign affairs.
She, it was, who certified that Bush had carried Florida, a decision overthrown by the Florida Supreme Court, a decision overthrown by the US Supreme Court. And so Florida went to Bush by a majority of one, when the Supreme Court split 5-4 to stop the Florida recount. And the rest is history.
Even before then Kate had form. She had been elected to the Florida State Senate in 1994, backed by a tranche of illegal contributions from Riscorp, a Sarasota insurance firm. She repaid Riscorp‘s backing by blocking other insurers from a share of the workers’ compensation action. Since 2000, she has filled the idle hour by representing Florida’s 13th District in Washington DC. Her honours in two terms have been:
- spontaneously inventing a terrorist attack in the Mid-West to beef up a speech;
- accepting campaign donations from MZM Inc, an intelligence operator leeching off the national security budget, and caught slipping $1M to Representative ‘Randy’ Cunningham for services rendered and contracts gained. MZM has subsequently had a Sellafield Experience, to become Athena Innovative Solutions. The divine Hiaasen did a splendid job on this imbroglio back in March, a piece which rewards anybody’s time: Malcolm now begs for a follow-up.
- maintaining a reputation for conspicuous consumption of cosmetics (and, arguably, enhancements to her ‘sweater girl’ image).
Malcolm deeply regrets that the Bushies has not shown proper gratitude to the poor girl. She was talked out of running for the US Senate in 2004 by Brother Doubleya. In 2005 she set her sights on the other Florida seat in the Senate, and Brother Jeb and Karl Rove sought to dissuade her. The Florida (and national) Republicans scrabbled round to find a more cuddly candidate. All to no avail: in the Primary yesterday our heroine made it, against all the odds: she is now the GOP’s candidate’s candidate for the US Senate.
Why should any straight-thinker (ah! thinking! that’s the difference between us and them!) welcome and enjoy the disaster coming towards Ms Harris? Try wikipedia’s summary of her positions:
Harris is a conservative Republican. She is pro-life and has voted against abortion rights and stem cell research. She has voted in favor of granting legal status to unborn children via the Unborn Victims of Violence Act. She supports free trade, tax cuts, and the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act, which restricts bankruptcy. Harris is also in favor of welfare reform, school vouchers, the Patriot Act, the Flag Desecration Amendment, the Federal Marriage Act and the 2003 Invasion of Iraq.