The belles of the Woodstock Road

Malcolm does worry about those young Tories.

Far too many of them obsess about Polly Toynbee. OK, she’s bright; she’s well-preserved; she’s presents herself very well. She’s got all her faculties, nurtured by Holland Park and St Anne’s, still intact. But, let’s admit it, — well, you know — she’s old enough to be their granny.

It’s almost as if they want to embrace and protect her, because the word “Guardian” always appears in the same sentence, and — worryingly, often in rather brutish tones.

It’s all a trifle creepy: they, well, almost cyber-stalk her.

Compare that with the view from the other end, the sane end of the political spectrum.

We certainly have no similar feelings about the likes of Melanie Phillips (even though the Mail’s mug-shot glams her up beyond any Muswell Hill reality).

Now there’s not too much wrong with Mel, on the whole: Putney High School and St Anne’s (snap!) did well enough by her. It’s just that she’s fallen in with some distasteful “journalistic” company (using the j-word loosely: it is the Daily Mail, after all).

So, on pain of bringing the purple ink, net-curtains-and-doilies brigade down upon your head, under no circumstances mention the Islamics.

So we’ll soldier on, in hopes that Mel slips no further into bad ways and dottiness. Eventually, alas, we may have to look out for her, like any other daft old bat, hoping she does herself no lasting injury before Care in the Community take charge.

Meanwhile, we do our best to ignore her.

In all truth, neither Mel nor Polly are any great menace to society. Their several contributions may even add to the general vigour and tone of the public agora (Malcolm apologises for that strangled and pretentious expression: he blames the pernicious influence of London’s new Mayor).  In any case, what they write today will be cat-litter by the weekend.

The real problem lies elsewhere.

It’s those braying young men, old before their time, with their loutish behaviour, limited intelligence, poor grammar, foul language, affected voices and City suits that clearly need sedation.