Category Archives: Guido Fawkes

Any hope of realities here?

Malcolm had forsworn utterances — there are other priorities in his complex existence.

Then came the forked-tongues of the spinners of the English County Council elections.

So, let’s start from the top

We are talking of the shire counties. These are, largely, where the fox is routinely pursued by the unspeakable after the uneatable. They amount to a moderate part of the UK populace. But no cities. Not London. No metropolises at all, at all.

The big news is that, among the hicks and rubes and bumpkins, the weirdos (hereinafter “UKIP”) got one-in-four of a less-than-30% poll. That will be front-page news on Saturday. The Earth is expected to tremble.

Where it mattered, the forces of decency (hereinafter the “Labour Party”) seemed to do quite well. There was a parliamentary by-election, which Labour took at a stroll. Of course, the mainstream rightist media won’t say that, but take away a top-name and drop an odd percentage point, and you might think differently. Anyway, Labour took South Shields with a plurality.

Misrepresentatation

Now there was Paul Staines (by name, by reputation) of Guido Fawkes telling us:

the extent of Labour’s thoroughly underwhelming day becomes clear

This, incidentally, before the final results are in.

This odd presumption had to be reinforced by reference to Mark Pack, the Lib Dem snake-oil salesman. Odd, isn’t it, that Fawkes — who normally has a hot-line from Tory Politburo — has to reach out to Pack?

Pack had taken an incomplete return and quantified it, to “prove” that the Labour vote was down by more than either the LibDems or the Tories. Wonderful things numbers. Here are some more:

Tonight there are:

  • 26% fewer LibDem County Councillors;
  • 23% fewer Tories;
  • 1838% more UKIPpers; and
  • 217% more Labour councillors.

Apparently it would in Tory terms have been a massive disappointment had Labour not gained 300 seats. They didn’t. It was only 291.

Similarly, the prognostication from Labour was that the Tories could lose 200 seats … and hooray! Well, 335 Tory county councillors are now without a seat. Sad, that.

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Filed under Conservative Party policy., Guido Fawkes, Labour Party, Tories., UKIP

Fawked tongue

A day or two back, Guido Fawkes — in full self-wetting mode — was ecstatic that:

Hidden in the gilding on the walls of 10 Downing Street, the small, subtle but powerful image of a thatcher climbing the cornicing. A golden legacy…

thatcher-gold

That is lifted from a flickr.com sequence. Three images along, in the same sequence, is another non-Thatcher, non-tribute (these things predated the old bat by some distance in time). A lizard? A salamander?

Lizard

A poem from Oliver Herford:

The Salamander made his bed
Among the glowing embers red.
A Fiery Furnace, to his mind,
Hygiene and Luxury combined.
He was, if I may put it so,
A Saurian Abednigo.
He loved to climb with nimble ease
The branches of the Gas-log Trees
Where oft on chilly winter nights
He rose to dizzy Fahrenheits.
Believers in Soul Transmigration
See in him the Re-incarnation
Of those Sad Plagues of summer, who
Ask, “Is it hot enough for you?”

Hint: the glowing embers red are out-living whatever she wrought.

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Filed under Britain, Guido Fawkes, London, politics, Tories.

Where next for Chris and Vicky?

Malcolm last passed this way on 29th January.

That was prompted by all the smoke signals of a cover-up (mixed metaphor there?).

Since then we have had the confession and the two court cases. To add to the general hilarity and mirth, there may well be another trail on the way.

We are told that Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce will be available for further onward despatch, suitcases at hand, via Southwark Crown Court, 2pm on Monday. All the media reports assume gaol sentences are on the cards.  A paparazzi goat-fuck has been disorganised for English Grounds, SE1: assemble at the Horniman pub, near Hays Galleria, in good time — if not good order.

Which leaves one question hanging (and the likes of Guido Fawkes and his band of window-lickers would happily interpose “Hanging’s too good”).

The question is: why?

Apart from gratuitous thoughts of vengeance, what public good will come of incarcerating Mrs Pryce? Has she not been put upon enough?

Even the deluded and despicable Huhne has been efficiently disgraced and eliminated from public life. He will, it is hoped, next be pursued for the cost of that pointless legal action he took last September — say £100,000 or so — but he is a wealthy man, and should be able to ride it. Doubtless, like other political miscreants before him — Profumo, Aitken, Archer — he will go away and do good works.

All this is far, far beyond Malcolm’s comprehension and ulcer-rating. Instead Malcolm returns to an occasion of similar public disgrace, over a century ago:

I know not whether Laws be right,
   Or whether Laws be wrong;
All that we know who lie in gaol
   Is that the wall is strong;
And that each day is like a year,
   A year whose days are long.

But this I know, that every Law
   That men have made for Man,
Since first Man took His brother’s life,
   And the sad world began,
But straws the wheat and saves the chaff
   With a most evil fan.

This too I know — and wise it were
   If each could know the same —
That every prison that men build
   Is built with bricks of shame,
And bound with bars lest Christ should see
   How men their brothers maim.

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Filed under Britain, crime, Guido Fawkes, human waste, Law, Lib Dems, Oscar Wilde

Twitting

Malcolm was about to wax lyrical and literary on the current vogue for Richard III and Richard III. No; they’re not the same thing. One is a tragedy and the other isn’t. Oh, work it out for yourselves.

Instead, and for the time being, he was distracted by Cllr H. Phibbs (by name, by nature), the saturnine Uncle Fester of ConHome, given unnecessary added airing by the ever-expanding Harry Cole (once “Tory Bear”, now “neo-Guido”):

Phibbs2

It does: it’s two sets of marbles. Even in these austere times, we are allowed duplication (two governing parties, two party platforms, two loads of liars …). Even as metaphors. It’s even a kind of zeugma — something else to look up and work out.

The rest of Polly Toynbee’s piece,  gets to the belly of the beast:

The gay marriage debate has uncovered a nest of bigots

Far from showing off the party’s modernity, today’s vote has brought out the Tory old guard in all its out-of-touch glory

She hits the solar plexus:

What reasonable observer would expect gay marriage to seize their passions instead? US-style culture wars have broken out – but only within the ranks of the Tory party. Deep divides exist on many social issues, but usually the other side is at least comprehensible to the majority. We can understand why a minority of people are profoundly upset by abortion, but this arcane marriage dispute is beyond the ordinary comprehension of anyone not guided by the Bible. The anti-gay brigade built their barricades but failed against civil partnership, which gave gay couples equal rights. Although marriage is no more than a mystical word, adding no new rights, fighting over that word lets homophobes again vent abhorrence at the modern world and all its filth.

As Malcolm has sought to show, the phalanx of these self-deceiving bigots is a homophobic, theocratic, fundamentalist, creationist operation, the very unchristian Christian Institute of 4 Park Road, Gosforth, and its front organisation, the Coalition for Marriage of (surprise!) 4 Park Road, Gosforth.

That the once great Tory Party (or, at least a significant proportion — and even a “thinking” element — thereof) can be manipulated by weirdos of this ilk  tells us all we need to know.

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Filed under bigotry, ConHome, Conservative family values, Guardian, Guido Fawkes, Polly Toynbee, Tories.

You’re either in front of Guido or …

One that got away?

Malcolm Redfellow says:

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

**** More to come!! ***

What the guilty plea means is that the “other issue” of Constance (née Clare) Briscoe remains under those deep legal wraps.

Fawkes knows (and can’t say).

Iain Dale knows (and won’t say).

It falls to lesser breeds without the law to make helpful suggestions.

It should have appeared round about comments number 102 and 103.

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Filed under censorship, Guido Fawkes, Iain Dale, Law, Lib Dems

Mind how you Gove!

No, not the Singing Postman (of whom Malcolm has writ), but what may be going on behind the educational arras.

Watching Guido Fawkes’s recent bleatings, he may be onto something.

There is an on-going spat between Toby Helm ( a decent small-l “liberal” journo at the Observer) and the all-mighty Goveian Empire at the Department of Education. In such contexts, think Gove as Tarkin and his Death Star.

It looks as if:

  1. The MinEduc Spads (an Orwellian reference there, please note) were let off the leash to harass Helm. For reference, the SpAds at the Department of Education have form. One is diabolically rude and arrogant, the other destroys the evidence. For the record,  they are (or, as of the next few days,were):
    • Dominic Cummings;
    • Henry de Zoete.
  2. When that assault failed, heavy infantry, in the form of the redoubtable Sarah Vine, was deployed.

Sarah Vine? Oh, you know:

Oh Minister, what toe-curling secrets will your wife reveal about you next? His terrible driving. His love of scented baths. Is there ANYTHING writer Sarah Vine won’t disclose about life with Britain’s Education Secretary

 This one will run and run. Tomorrow’s Observer may be worth the read. Oh, look! here it is!

Run, do not walk, to this spat-fest!

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Filed under education, Guido Fawkes, Michael Gove, Observer, sleaze., Tories.

Heres and theres with Chris and Vicky

Any time now — well, actually next week — the celebrated trial of Regina v Christopher Huhne and Vasiliki Pryce finally makes it into a full Court. The darkest stage-curtains of the law have been drawn around these proceedings of late, where one of those all-powerful Super-Injunctions applies.

To try and make any sense, it’s worth recapitulating the story so far (and it has ramifications).

The LSE-Brussels express

On 12th March 2003 Chris Huhne was the re-elected LibDem MEP for the South-East of England. He had spent the day as productively as such things can be in Brussels. To be fair, he was an effective MEP, and is to be congratulated for introducing “time-expired” clauses into Euro-legislation.

That evening, he arrived back at Stansted and — as far as the ‘official” record then stood — was collected by his loving wife, Vicky Pryce, and driven back to London. Alas! The Audi was caught by a camera speeding along the M11; and a fine and penalty points were duly awarded. Mrs Pryce (she was born Vasiliki Courmouzis, but has retained her nom-de-guerre from a first marriage in 1972) accepted the points on her own licence, and the fine was paid.

What later became significant is that Mrs Pryce had spent the evening addressing a conference at London’s LSE, and had later taken a full dinner with a double handful of academics. To have collected Huhne at Stansted, she must have driven the 49 miles from Aldwych to Stansted in around 25 minutes.

The issue was that Huhne had a record of offending against the rules of the road — had he been the guilty speeder, he would have incurred a three-month driving ban under the totting-up system. Sadly, our hero managed precisely that in December 2003, having been caught driving along the Old Kent Road, using a mobile phone at the wheel — Vicky became his chauffeuse of necessity.

The parliamentary whizz-kid

Meanwhile, Huhne was selected to be the LibDem candidate for the Eastleigh constituency. This was a plum one: the seat had been held by the LibDem David Chidgely since the by-election following the bizarre death of Tory Stephen Milligan. Know-alls will recollect that self-bondage, autoerotic asphyxia and an orange were involved in that attempt at an Ig Noble award. By a mere whisker (majority 568) Christopher Murray Paul-Huhne was duly elected the member for Eastleigh on 5 May 2005.

The LibDem parliamentary party (suddenly all of 62 MPs) Huhne now joined were not a band of happy bunnies — a few too many over-inflated egos, and an alcoholic leader against whom the rest were plotting. Charles Kennedy promptly appointed Huhne as second-string Treasury spokesman.

When Kennedy fell in January 2006 (he had been making a spectacle of doing so, allegedly), Huhne — never one to undervalue his abilities —had himself proposed for the leadership. He ran comfortably ahead of Simon Hughes, but well behind Menzies Campbell. Ming than annointed Huhne to be DEFRA main man.

Ming was felt to be “too old” and out-of-touch with the thrusting image the LibDems wanted for themselves. When Vince Cable went public in October 2007, the old boy went gracefully; and a second round of the LibDem enstoolment contest was under way. Once again it was Huhne to the fore — only to be pipped by just over 2% of the party vote and by his old MEP mate, Nick Clegg (who, quite possibly, was on that Stansted flight — see above — and, some say, in the car driven by the faster-than-a-speeding-Pryce). Clegg accused Huhne of being underhand in his campaign — there was a mysterious document, Calamity Clegg, in circulation, which reached the BBC from Huhne’s office, but — as he maintained — not with his complicity.

Ahem! Let us pass swiftly on.

Anyway, Huhne was now clearly the second string in the LibDem parliamentary party, and the Home Affairs spokesman.

In bed with the Tories and Ms Trimingham

With the arrival of the ConDem coalition, Huhne became Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change — about as prominent a grandstanding job as any LibDem could wish.

Huhne’s 2010 election materials had featured his loving relations with wife Vicky — ‘Family matters to me so much – where would we be without them?’ — their three children, and his two step-daughters from her first marriage. When Huhne went to the Energy Department, Vicky Pryce properly resigned her very senior post in the Government Economic Service to avoid any conflict of interest.

A month later Huhne was paparazzi’d as he left his constituency flat with his former press officer: he was yet another victim of the News of the World’s Derek Webb (by no coincidence, Huhne had been vocal about NotW’s phone-hackings). To the delight of the scurrilous UK tabloids, Carina Trimingham had been since 2007 in a civil partnership with a Julie Bennett.

Vicky was doorstepped at home, a £1.5 million townhouse in Clapham — see also below — with the glad tidings. At which point Huhne announced he had left his wife, and set up with Trimingham. The Huhne-Pryce divorce came through in January 2011.

The roof fell in soon after.

Fall-out

Soon after the divorce, rumours spread that Mrs Pryce was “on manoeuvres”: both the Sunday Times and the Daily Mail were lapping up any hints going (the only reason the ST — which had most of the story — isn’t cited here is that pay-wall).  On 8th May 2011 the Mail on Sunday went for the jugular:

Outspoken Cabinet Minister Chris Huhne was at the centre of an extraordinary controversy last night over alleged motoring offences.

The Liberal Democrat vehemently denies the claims. His denial came as his former wife Vicky Pryce was asked to comment on rumours that Mr Huhne had asked ‘someone close to him’ to take penalty points on his behalf for a speeding offence.

Miss Pryce told The Mail on Sunday: ‘I am aware that he pressurised people to take his driving licence penalty points.’ …

Rumours suggesting Mr Huhne asked someone else to take responsibility for a speeding offence have been circulating in Westminster for months. The millionaire former banker has repeatedly denied the allegations. Friends say the claims are part of a smear campaign designed to ruin his political career.

In recent days Mr Huhne has been accused by party critics of plotting to undermine his leader, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

Mr Clegg’s defeat in the referendum on changing the voting system for General Elections, combined with his abysmal ratings, have brought reports that Mr Huhne could mount a leadership challenge – although he has pledged his ¬loyalty to Mr Clegg.

Allies of Mr Huhne say they have been expecting an unfounded attack on his reputation for some time by unnamed ‘political enemies’.

When The Mail on Sunday approached Mr Huhne last year about the motoring claims, a spokesman said: ‘These allegations are completely untrue. In 2003 Chris Huhne received a driving ban for maximum points and this is a matter of public record.

The Labour MP for Rochdale, Simon Danczuk, righteously batted the matter off to the Essex Constabulary — by this time it was known that the three penalty points for the speeding offence had been collected by Vicky Pryce. Huhne was duly interviewed, and stood by his rights to remain silent. By June 2011 the Essex Police had referred the thing to the Criminal Prosecution Service.

Not quite an open-and-shut case

Vicky Pryce had been having email exchanges with the Sunday Times. The CPS went to the Crown Court to get access to this apparently-damning evidence. The ST then went to judicial review to prevent disclosure of its sources. That delayed any prosecution of Huhne and Pryce until the end of 2011. By then other papers had discovered that the Essex Constabulary had recommended the CPS should prosecute (24 December 2011). The ST withdrew its application for judicial review (20 January 2012). The Director of Public Prosecutions announced there was sufficient evidence to bring charges (3 February 2012). Huhne was thus distinguished as the first member of the British Cabinet ever to face criminal charges (though over the years many, many others had close-run escapes) — and Huhne had accordingly resigned (also 3 February 2012).

Now things start to unravel.

On 16 February 2012 Huhne and Pryce faced Westminster Magistrates’ Court, were formally charged, and granted unconditional bail. The case was sent for trial at Southwark Crown Court: an initial hearing on 2 March 2012, and the full trial for a fortnight, starting on 2nd October. Huhne made no plea and asked that the case be quashed (i.e. that it had really been his wife driving) — which involved a further hearing on 27th July. Pryce pleaded not guilty on grounds of “marital coercion”.

The day before that substantive trial was due to begin, 1st October, the presiding judge imposed an all-purpose super-injunction — and the trail was further delayed for “legal reasons”. We might — just might — get to the real meat on 4th February.

More happy families

Let’s back-track to that sudden legal delay at the start of October 2012; and do a bit of extrapolation.

On 9th October 2012 there came a cryptic announcement from the Office for Judicial Complaints:

The Lord Chief Justice and Lord Chancellor have suspended Constance Briscoe from the judiciary pending the outcome of the police investigation into the allegations against her. It would be inappropriate to comment further whilst the investigation is active.

Up hill, Down Dale

Now consider:

Dale

One or two of the follow-up tweets made the Huhne/Pryce connection, in no great depth. If Dale reckons it’s “a massive story”, and keeps quiet about it — we can believe him. If Dale has a grasp of the essentials, so have the likes of Guido Fawkes/Paul Staines (who hasn’t let the topic drop). And so has every political gossiper of any status.

On 16th December 2012, the Mail on Sunday had a story that Laurence Brass, who sits on asylum cases and is a five times LibDem candidate (and ten years a  LibDem local councillor) had encountered Huhne and tweeted afterwards:

Breaking news. Met ex-Energy Sec Chris Huhne in Commons, who confirmed that prosecution against him will be dropped next month.

That put the “usual channels” into hysteria mode. Within an hour the tweet had been deleted. Mike Smithson’s Political Betting site had spotted that odds on Huhne replacing Clegg (there is even more animus there) were down to 12/1. The Mail on Sunday‘s story had disappeared from the web-site by next day.

The Crown Prosecution Service made sure the Telegraph next day had it clear: the case would proceed.

The enigmatic Constance Briscoe

It seems that Constance (apparently as a child she was merely “Clare”) Briscoe, a barrister with 9-12 Bell Yard and a Recorder, presiding over Mental Health Tribunals (and, in another non-coincidence, a fellow resident of Clapham), had been Vicky Pryce’s friend, confidante and advisor. There are suggestions that Ms Briscoe was behind drip-feeding Pryce’s revelations to the Sunday Times. She was arrested at Clapham on 6th October, and police investigations are continuing — but we have been given no idea of what charges, if any, will be laid.

Inevitably, Ms Briscoe’s private life — in its own way as remarkable as that of Ms Trimingham — was a cause of prurient delight.

Let us not deny ourselves the chance to review Ms Briscoe’s quite eventful love-life. She was left by her long-term partner of a dozen years, Anthony Arlidge QC, in favour of a younger, blonder model:

The 55 year-old accused leading QC Anthony Arlidge, 75, of being “bonkers” and “mad” after he abandoned her for an aspiring barrister almost a third of his age.

She also claimed Mr Arlidge, a former crown court recorder who has worked on some of Britain’s most high profile cases, jilted her as they celebrated her daughter’s birthday.

The Cambridge-educated barrister has moved out of their marital home in Clapham, south London.

He is now sharing his central London apartment and Kent country house with the 27 year-old, understood to called Heather.

That would be: aspiring barrister Heather Lockwood, 27, who is actually a para-legal assistant at Watmore’s Solicitors in Chancery Lane.

A Malcolmian aside

If all these convoluted relationships seem strange, it can get even weirder:

Mr Arlidge remains married to wife Enid, the mother of his four children.

Their 48th wedding anniversary is next week but they separated nearly three decades ago. He then lived for 16 years with QC Tracy Ayling.

His son John, a freelance journalist who has written for the Sunday Times and Condé Nast, lives with Stephanie Flanders, the BBC’s economics correspondent.

Before the briefs, the Briscoe griefs

All of the pain of her childhood went into two books of autobiographical misery: Ugly and Beyond Ugly. Cue Simon Hattenstone interviewing her for the Guardian:

One of the most powerful moments in Ugly comes when Briscoe describes trying to get herself taken into care and is told to go home. She decides to kill herself by overdosing on bleach. She says she diluted the bleach, blistered her throat and made herself sick, but failed in her ultimate mission. Briscoe had planned out her future in purgatory. “I had to work out where I was going to stay, because I wasn’t going to heaven because I’d taken my own life. I was going to spend my time on the stairs in my mother’s house in Sutherland Square, because when you come in through the front door you have to go up the stairs to get to the bedrooms and the kitchen, and if I sat on that step my mother would have to go past me every day, so I was going to attack her, you know, trip her up, punch her in the head, push her head in the wall, when she went past me,” she says with relish.

Ugly is an angry book, I say. She looks surprised, almost hurt. “I don’t think it’s angry at all. I think it’s a very calm book, a very positive book. I think it’s a book that looks forward, not back. What do you mean by anger?” Well, wanting to spend your time in purgatory mashing your mother’s head is pretty angry, I say. “No, that’s just deserts. I think anger would be cutting up my mother’s clothes.”

In November 2008 the mother, Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell, sued for libel — and the High Court found the books were not libellous. The rest of the Briscoe family seem to differ from the account in the books (again from Hattenstone):

… her sister Patsy came to the defence of her mother in an article in the Mail on Sunday. She labelled Ugly a pack of lies, the fictional work of a self-hater. Patsy claimed that Eastman was a gentle giant, that Constance was not beaten or sexually abused, as Constance claimed had happened on one occasion, and that the suicide attempt was fabricated. “What she’s done is devious and dangerous,” she said. “Mum’s taken it very badly. She intends to go all the way with her legal action.”

At the same time, another sister, Pauline, provided a statement in which she took issue with a couple of details in Ugly, but said her mother was a woman who had set her whole family against each other.

Briscoe says she is keen for me to talk to the family and passes on the numbers of various siblings and her mother. Her sister, Christine, also a lawyer, tells me she’d rather not get involved and the others don’t return my calls.

Perhaps more to the point, the dates and details Briscoe provides in her books do not accurately tally with provable facts. That’s a curious trait in a senior lawyer. We might also note the BBC report of the libel trial:

 a woman suing her barrister daughter for libel over allegations made in a memoir of her childhood has accused her of being a “wicked thief and a liar”.

Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell, 74, told the High Court that Constance Briscoe – who is also a part-time judge – had forged documents for use in her defence

Andrew Caldecott QC, representing Ms Briscoe, told Mrs Briscoe-Mitchell that she was making “very serious” allegations of forgery.

She told the court: “I have to stand up for myself when you are trying to get me to admit to lies.

“I will never admit to lies.”

Mrs Briscoe-Mitchell also told jurors that when her daughter visited London during her days at Newcastle University, she would “just run around doing shoplifting”.

 It crosses Malcolm’s mind there’s a possible half-chance that we have here a basis for the arrest of Ms Briscoe — and why her evidence at the Huhne-Pryce trial might be in doubt (her non-appearance as a prosecution witness would be telling). And why the legal system has gone into Delphic silence mode.

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Filed under Britain, crime, Daily Mail, Daily Telegraph, Guardian, Guido Fawkes, Iain Dale, Law, Lib Dems

Now for the missing words round …

The Guardian website appends a word-cloud for the ConDem mid-term review:

Coalition mid-term wordle

What’s missing? Well, three that jump to mind are:

  • Deficit. Is it there? Has it gone away? Actually, no: it is the very first section of the published document, where the word gets the grand total of just six uses, one of which is the section title. Clearly the message is: “Nothing to see here. Move along now!”.
  • Unemployment. Even though the the Office for Budget responsibility are reckoning on the numbers increasing by 200,000 in 2013, it also seems to have been vanished. Again, not quite: the word gets three outings in the Jobs and Welfare section (nice conjunction of two very different ideas, but it tells us where we’re being driven). Two of those uses are specifically in connection with “youth unemployment”, the third is the mantra about “making work pay” for those “stuck in unemployment and poverty traps.”
  • Labour. The previous government is no longer responsible for the mythical mess? Perhaps that one’s unfair: even the ConDems seem to have recognised “That was then. This is now.” Otherwise we are expected to decode “the previous administration”: the meerkats no longer mention by name the dreaded mongoose.

Malcolm has resolved not to suffer much further: Andrew Sparrow’s observation [@ 3:23 pm] was:

I’m glad I don’t have to turn that into a splash. I haven’t had time to read the mid-term review yet, but colleagues who have taken a look are saying it is pitifully thin. And we did not learn a great deal from the press conference either, although Cameron and Clegg did a reasonable job quashing speculation that the coalition may collapse before 2015.

Guido Fawkes‘s shouts and claps out-voice the deep mouth’d sea normally precede any major Tory effusion. On this occasion the mighty whiffler was subdued:

It reads an awful lot like the Coalition Academy letter in Private Eye…

In connection with Staines-by-name-and-by-nature reading such a turgid document so fast, Dr Johnson’s comparison of Quaker women preaching comes to mind: it —

 … is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.

With a deep sigh, Malcolm recognises that, short of the Crossrail excavation setting off a major volcano under Canary Wharf (a consummation devoutly to be wish’d), overnight large quantities of newsprint will be expended this non-event. And we’re no longer allowed to recycle the waste for useful fish-and-chip wrapper *.

* Memo to self: where did that expression originate?

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Filed under David Cameron, Guardian, Guido Fawkes, Lib Dems, Literature, Nick Clegg, Tories.

A Nelsonian eye

Fraser Nelson, at The Spectator, always gives good value, even when one needs violently to disagree. Actually, says Malcolm, that’s the best journalism: it makes one think, one has to ponder counter-arguments, and we all benefit from rubbing against the grain.

Here is the man himself:

Ed Miliband has adopted a rather simple strategy: do nothing, and wait for your opponents to screw up. It’s lazy, but undoubtedly effective. The Tories are playing along perfectly. The last week has given plenty ammunition for his new theme — which he repeated during his union Sponsored Walk yesterday — ‘they think they are born to rule, but they are not very good at it.’

There are five short(ish) paragraphs of that: Nelson believes in making his play, and leaving us to it. Good for Fraser — presumably he doesn’t pay himself by the line.

Labour-loyalists night be warmed by this died-in-the wool Tory’s conclusion:

Now, I think an Ed Miliband victory would be a calamity for Britain — he has no policies and his ‘predistribution’ nonsense suggests naïveté of the most dangerous kind. But recent weeks have done nothing to change the balance of probability pointing — just — to Ed Miliband sending Christmas cards from No 10 in just three years’ time.

There’s partisan loyalty and there’s realism: it looks as if Mr Nelson gets them both there. The telling headline, in Spectator tasteful red,  is:

Ed Miliband’s winning strategy

Malcolm took his dissection kit to that Nelsonian introduction:

Ed Miliband has adopted a rather simple strategy: do nothing, and wait for your opponents to screw up.

Well, yes. All administrations fall foul of time: the gilt wears off, the guilt sets in. The rate of polling attrition is usually measured at 1% per annum or so. It’s just that this shower accelerate the process immeasurably. Or, as Uncle Bill Shakespeare had it:

Thou hast described
A hot friend cooling: ever note, Lucilius,
When love begins to sicken and decay,
It useth an enforced ceremony.
There are no tricks in plain and simple faith;
But hollow men, like horses hot at hand,
Make gallant show and promise of their mettle;
But when they should endure the bloody spur,
They fall their crests, and, like deceitful jades,
Sink in the trial.

Ooh, err, Missus. From 1599, and still rings a bell.

Moreover, the whole ideology (not a good word ever to use in any British political context) of this ConDem coalition was to come in with a Plan, and in a fixed timetable to deliver it. Such sweet innocence.

As soon as any sensate being heard debt reduction, constitutional and electoral systems, welfare simplification, ‘eddicashun’ , Old Uncle Tom Cobley ‘n ‘ all, would all be sorted in a fixed time scale, eyes misted over. We all muttered, “Like hell’.  The more a government attempts, the less it will achieve — simply because targets are not that accessible, and the Great British Public simply do not like change. They are, and always have been small-c ‘conservative’. As it says on that eighteenth-century church bell in Essex:

Success to the Church of England, and no enthusiasm!

Apart from anything else, a fixed five-year parliament, with a definitive election date and closure set for May 2015, was guaranteed to work against the economic cycle. It denies the administration the one clear advantage it has always had — to go to the electors at the moment of its choosing. Those over-educated, but politically-illiterate public-school boys hadn’t understood Shakespeare’s pragmatism in Henry V, being dazzled by the initial flashy, bumptious rhetoric:

we’ll bend it to our awe,
Or break it all to pieces: or there we’ll sit,
Ruling in large and ample empery ..

It’s lazy, but undoubtedly effective.

Rubbish. The hardest job in British politics is to lead an Opposition — particularly a Labour one, in conflict with the bulk of the press, and the ever-surging power of Murdochery:

  • The first aim is to establish a personality — and Miliband has done that against a sustained onslaught from the capitalist press barons. Who now speaks lightly of ‘Red Ed’? Even Miliband himself makes a joke of it in his recent Conference speech.
  • Second base is to control the party: the amazing thing is how little dissent there has been in the Labour Party, given that drubbing through 2008-10. Compare the situation in 1980-82. If there was any doubt over Miliband’s grasp it was that he deliberately courted the booing of union extremists at the Hyde Park Rally yesterday.
  • Third base is to win the weekly jousting at Prime Minister’s Questions (so taking ownership of the thirty-second clip on the evening news bulletins). Over recent months Miliband has succeeded, against all the odds, in matching , confronting, annoying and seeing off Cameron. As long as Cameron cannot control his inner Flashman, he is doomed. Last week’s PMQs was a total disaster for him. Not only did Miliband draw blood over Mitchell as ‘toast’, Cameron offended conservative and parliamentary principles (certainly those of ‘good manners’ and noblesse oblige) by his dismissal of Chris Bryant:

Do you know what? Until he apologises, I am not going to answer his questions—[ Interruption]

Even Tory polemicists regarded one that as ‘possibly unwise’. So, next:

  • The Home Run is when the Tory press, as Nelson does here, start to see the light:

The Tories are playing along perfectly.

Not just the Tories. The LibDem element is pulling its weight.

The magnificent, magisterial Andrew Rawnsley, doing today’s Observer opinion piece, listed the heads for being mounted on spikes:

I can’t help feeling a tiny spasm of sympathy for the fallen chief whip. In the bumper book of cabinet resignations, a volume to which the coalition has now added four entries, this is a most bizarre chapter. One of his colleagues asks: “Should someone have a 30-year career destroyed because of a seven-second outburst?” You know, that’s a reasonable question.

There are strong arguments for why certain members of this cabinet ought to resign. Creating a complete mess of the reform of Britain’s most important public service would be a sound reason to leave ministerial office, but Andrew Lansley is still in the cabinet. Becoming intimately enmeshed with a media corporation to a degree that would be unacceptable even if that company were not also the subject of a criminal investigation would be another powerful reason for a minister to quit, but Jeremy Hunt is still in the cabinet, as, for that matter, is David Cameron.

Breaking a solemn manifesto pledge not to increase tuition fees could be regarded as a compelling reason to resign, but Nick Clegg and his Lib Dem colleagues are still sitting around the top table. In comparison, briefly losing your rag with a police officer seems to sit at the very trivial end of the spectrum of resignation-worthy offences, the more so when the officer involved had long since accepted an apology and the police had said they were taking no further action.

True enough. Indisputably so. Except that’s not the measure of this particular cock-up. As Malcolm was saying elsewhere:

General opinion now has it that such Mitchell outbursts were not previously unknown. So the answer might be “prevention rather than cure”. Note how, after “Thrasher”, we have the emollient Sir George — whom I’d regard as an inspired choice

My complaint above, and previously, is not whether the PM handled it badly (and he did), but what went wrong with the whole Downing Street operation. Any decent PR operator (hmmm … can we think of one?) should recognise when, if and how a “bad press” moment is containable. From the beginning this one wasn’t.

Similarly, once ‘Gids’ Osborne was rumbled over his shimmying into First Class on Virgin Rail, he should have had the sense to busy himself publicly with impressive paper-work.  Quite honestly, it didn’t matter if he were marking up form for the Profab Windows Handicap at Bath. Just look busy, puzzled, committed, engaged, involved in the public good. He didn’t: instead he allowed himself to be snapped, shoulders adjacent, with the pouting Polly, apparently watching an entertainment on an iPad (as right).

Which brings us to:

The last week has given plenty ammunition for his new theme — which he repeated during his union Sponsored Walk yesterday — ‘they think they are born to rule, but they are not very good at it.’

 And that is the bottom line here. For Miliband, by comparison, is getting good at it. Compare Osborne’s rail trip (and the public image thereof) with this:

The pendulum is swinging

Miliband may be über-Geek, but sooner, rather than later, the nation will finally tire of public-school amateurs.

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Filed under Britain, Conservative family values, Conservative Party policy., David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Frankie Howerd, Fraser Nelson, George Osborne, Guido Fawkes, Lib Dems, Murdoch, Nick Clegg, Observer, politics, politicshome, The Spectator, Tories.

Guido Fawkes out-done!

Get this: Paul Staines’s little pus-pile has found a limit of its grossness!

Staines’s empire inflated, and continues to exploit what he terms as “Pilgrims”.

A “Pilgrim” is any employee who is afforded management approval to spend time representing fellow employees.

Lest we forget — for one passing example — those lasses and lads dumped overnight under the bridges of London, in the hope of a “job” at the Olympics, were non-unionised and unrepresented. They had no “pilgrim”

Got that?

Seems almost reasonable —  perhaps.

Thanks to Milady Thatcher and her derivatives, trades-unionism is mainly a feature of the public sector. Everybody else is either too grand, too frightened, or too out-sourced to feel free (good word, that!) to join any kind of mutual representation and support.

Therefore, to the convinced believer in capitalist “free-enterprise”, any vestige of trades-unionism must be extirpated.

So Mr Paul Staines, the onlie turd true begetter of Guido Fawkes, has set his drunk-driving hat at overturning this impediment to the return of decent authoritarian society. Now, he claims total victory!

Trades-union representation must go!

And so, paean of adulation! — A  TransAtlantic Tunnel Hurrah!

Hold on , Malcolm: that’s SciFi!

Well, perhaps not.

For, you see, even in the empire of “Guido Fawkes” (whose original was a Catholic, terrorist, Spanish /Euro stooge) things are quite not as “libertarian” as its progenitor claims.

Commentators are free to blaspheme, curse, abuse — provided they choose the right (especially left) targets, use foul language, lick windows … whatever. But “libertarianism” has restrictions.

Try this:

So, Mr Paul Staines (by name and by nature), of Ealing, but conveniently claiming to be a good Irishman, who went un-libertarian there?

[By the way: the last response Malcolm had from Mr Staines amounted to a four-letter word of abuse.]

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