Monthly Archives: October 2013

A quirky post

Peculier beer mat— I’m keeping my quirks, and having them properly restored.

Really, Malcolm: you don’t surprise us somehow. But how do you intend to “restore them”?

— Aha! With a proper plasterer!

You’re going back on the Old Peculier, then?

— Never off it, old son. But I mean a real skim-it-on-the-wall professional.

!!!? … please explain, Malcolm. We can only take so much mental aggro each day.

Well, I thought a quirk was:

A peculiarity of character or behaviour; an idiosyncrasy, an eccentricity; an oddity…

But that’s only definition number 5 in the OED.

Number one (both in the OED and Merriam-Webster) is:

A twist or turn; a sudden or unexpected change.

Your modern plaster turns a corner with the use of a metal corner bead. The result is a sharp right-angled edge.

Now look at your Victorian house, before the modern plasterer nailed up his bead and skimmed up to it. Thus destroying the gentler, more rounded old “broom-handle” corner. You’ll find, where the modern metal bead would be, that the corner is a piece of dowelling, so “broom-handle” moulding. Moreover, each side of the dowel, the plasterer laid a groove. There are your quirks. And my plasterer is going to scrape them out and relay them, properly.

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Filed under Beer, reading, Yorkshire

Plodding along

The canonisation of Andrew Mitchell (forever of Plebgate fame) continues apace. In the eyes of ConHome and Teresa May, as reported by the Daily Telegraph, he has already achieved beatification.

For those who need to get up to speed on “Plebgate”, wikipedia has a useful summary.

Here are just a few accepted “factoids” (as Malcolm understands them):

  • Mitchell’s nickname, acquired as a prefect at Rugby because of his use of the cane on weaker, junior students, was and is “Thrasher”. This is hardly an affectionate term; and Mitchell is (reputedly) not surrounded in Westminster by hordes of adoring admirers.
  • Mitchell is known for his foul language. A piece by Rob Wilson (Tory MP) for TotalPolitics includes:

His close relationship with [David] Davis didn’t stop Mitchell turning the air blue with expletives in a tense encounter on the House of Commons terrace, when Davis’ resignation caused a by-election. All Mitchell will say is that “the language exchanged would not be suitable for a family show. David knows I think it was a tremendous error of judgement.”

  •  Mitchell admits he swore when he was required to use the side-gate of Downing Street. Mitchell has apologised to the officer, which seems further confirmation of this member of the constabulary’s integrity.
  • The police officer, who was on the receiving end of the oath and the (alleged) “plebs” comment, is not one of those arrested or charged.

And one speculation:

There is an unexplained grey area around John Randall, the MP for Uxbridge:

  • He was Mitchell’s deputy in the Whips Office at the time of Plebgate.
  • It was Randall who received the email which “confirmed” Mitchell’s intemperance, even before the whole mess went public.
  • Relations between Mitchell and Randall seem to have been strained, to say the least. Randall, we are told, was himself intent on resignation, if Mitchell did not quit or was not pushed from the Chief Whip position.
  • Randall has now left the Whips’ Office in Cameron’s latest reshuffle.
  • Randall has a record of honourable behaviour and resignation. He was one of the few Tories who opposed Blair’s 2003 rush to war in Iraq (Mitchell was all Jingoist).

It is to be hoped, should Mitchell’s canonising  process continue, Randall breaks silence to act as advocatus diaboli.

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Filed under ConHome, Conservative family values, Daily Telegraph, David Cameron, policing, Tories.

How thoroughly to depress a Redfellow

Malcolm almost has a book-room (the Lady-in-his-Life persists in dignifying it as a “library”). All in all, he will have just sixty-odd metres of shelving to fill. And over six dozen recycled supermarket lettuce trays and banana boxes to fill them from.

Alas! He is under strict instruction from both the cabinet-maker and the painter to desist from shelving books until the paint is thoroughly dry. Which means Monday.


For now sits Expectation in the air,
And hides a sword from hilts unto the point
With crowns imperial, crowns and coronets,
Promised to Harry and his followers.

Hank Cinq will be among the earliest texts to find a resting place. Mayhap, to the accompaniment of Ellington and Strayhorn.

Page 20 of today’s Times

There we find a puffery for James Campbell and Will Pryce, The Library: A World History. Yes, it’s one of those coffee-table books, but one with a purpose (other than extracting mega-bucks from interior decorators and their dupes).

Malcolm instantly is afflicted by a massive inferiority complex. Perhaps he should have gone up-market, for something a bit flashier than his marine-ply and egg-shell paint. Something like Stift Admont:


Whence comes this grandiose preoccupation?

Malcolm can date that precisely.

As a TCD Junior Freshman, being taken into the Long Room and signing (in archival ink) the register for the Library. The figure of authority on hand was no less than the Junior Dean, the legendary R.B.McDowell, who casually (though, despite the theatrics, the JD did little “casually”) flicked to names of previous signatories — Wilde! Synge! Childers! Beckett! For total ego-crushing effect, the next display-cabinet down the central passageway held that other prime exhibit, the Book of Kells.

Now that’s what a real library looks (and smells) like!


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Filed under Dublin., Literature, reading, Times, travel, Trinity College Dublin

A cheap and sexist post

The superscription for this evening comes from Under Milk Wood:

P.C. Attila Rees lumps out of bed, dead to the dark and still foghorning, and drags out his helmet from under the bed; but deep in the backyard lock-up of his slee a mean voice murmurs …

A voice (Murmuring):You’ll be sorry for this in the morning,

… and he heave-ho’s back to bed. His helmet swashes in the dark.

Read into that, and what follows, as you wish. If this post is taken down overnight, blame it on P.C. Attila Rees’s morning after.

The “news”-source from which Malcolm extracted this gem deserves to remain unnamed. Oh, to hell with it … every outlet had it, and it came from Victoria’s Secret press office!



If that’s breaking copyright, Malcolm Redfellow’s Home Service is man enough for the hit.

What comes next is Ms Candice Swanepoel’s killer quote (doubtlessly not refined by any ad-agency):

I’ve never worn anything this pricey, and we have to put gloves on when we put it on. It’s kind of a big ordeal. The bra comes with two bodyguards and we have to handle it with a lot of care!

Note carefully: two bodyguards.

What’s next year’s titillating headline?


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Filed under advertising.

A knot of Toad’s (sic)


Be patient! All will be explained!

Malcolm, when he became a man, failed to fulfil St Paul’s (and Sosthenes‘) injunction (I Corinthians 13:11) to put away childish things. Hence he continues to indulge in unsuitable literary fictions, squibs and satires, model railways, and daftnesses such as the cartographic graphophilia we had yesterday.

Some more of the same

Today’s Independent has it that one of the Head Lars [The tutelary deities of a house; household gods: OED, from Roman mythology] of English education has taken the hump against our Secretary of State for Education:

Education Secretary Michael’s Gove’s exam reform will “wreck” the English education system, the head of admissions to Oxford University warned yesterday.

Mike Nicholson told a conference in London that reforms to A-levels were “another great example of the Government’s tendency to meddle in things they should probably really leave alone”.

Mr Nicholson added that there was “widespread concern – not restricted to the secondary sector but also higher education” to push ahead with reforms to GCSEs and A-levels at the same time, adding: “The impact of bringing in both is going to just wreck the English education system.”

He added that plans to make the AS-level exam a standalone qualification would have “tragic consequences” for efforts to increase the participation of disadvantaged students at university.

Despite the Indy’s claim that Mr Nicholson’s comment will be a blow to Mr Gove, one severely doubts that Gove will be greatly discomfited by this. He has an infinite capacity, even a perverse intent, to épater le bourgeois, especially the cohorts of educational professionals thereof. Such are derided, apparently, in government as “The Blob”:

In the eponymous 1958 film, The Blob was a protean jelly-like alien that terrorised a small Pennsylvanian town. Indescribable, indestructible and seemingly unstoppable, it consumed everything in its path as it grew and grew. Until, that is, the overblown amoeba got its comeuppance at the hands of Steve McQueen. The Blob entered the political lexicon in the mid-1980s, adopted by William Bennett, education secretary in the Reagan administration, as a term to describe the amorphous coalition of a bloated education bureaucracy, teacher unions and education research establishment that Bennett argued always obstructs or stifles school reform. After his resignation from Ofsted a decade ago, Chris Woodhead began to warn that British education was menaced by a Blob of its own, every bit as slimy, ruthless and voracious as the American original.

Well, of course, if Woodhead — educational resilient, Murdoch pet, and holder of advanced views on pupil-teacher relations — says so, it must be true.

On the other hand …

If that defines the mainstream of educational thinking (and practice), how do we type-cast Gove?

Let’s refer to the other (third oldest?, in view of those cave-painters whom, it transpires, were largely … shudder!women) profession — that of image-makers and cartoonists.

Many have Gove as the archetypal schoolboy — most elaborately by Chris Riddell for The Observer:

Riddell's Gove

Steve Bell takes the Govian pout and extends it into a full-blown bill:


Hmmm … Malcolm rather takes to ducks, as they do to water. They are harmless (if messy, especially in and around York University’s Halls of Residence — and York used to brag the highest “duck quotient” of any). They amuse. As on the riverside terrace at the Trout at Wolvercote, their quacking is a pleasant accompaniment to a sunny summer’s Sunday pub-lunch.


For Malcolm, then, Gove is far too devious, opinionated, ruthless, destructive, political to be duck-like. So, sorry, Steve Bell.

Non anas, sed anura!

That’s your actual Latin, says Sandy. Or Julian.

Any government tends to be determinist, overbearing, authoritarian, to “know best”. This one, especially the majority Tories, exceeds the mark. All authorities, experts, experience, history and precedents have to be scorned with sado-Osbornomics, HS2, climate-change, decanting the over-housed into non-existent smaller properties, inflating the biggest property bubble yet, handing out contracts willy-nilly to Serco, Crapita, G4S and other serial offenders, fighting unwinnable wars (against “terror”, drugs, whatever).

And the most arrogant, presumptuous, imperious of the lot is Gove. His neo-Con attitudes are alleged to have spited the formidable William Hague, who seems to refer to the Education Department as “the Foreign Office across the street”. He went, as one account more gutter-sniping than the BBC would have it “apeshit“, when the Commons backed off from a Syrian involvement.

Remark all these roughnesses, pimples, warts and everything 

That seems to be from Captain William Winde (1642-1722), architect of what was there before Buckingham Palace, and the earliest version of the Oliver Cromwell remark to Sir Peter Lely.

Michael Gove, Secretary of State for Education,

Thanks to Mike Nicholson (see top of this post), there is now a neat, literary and Oxonian parallel for Gove:

‘ … Ho, ho! I am The Toad, the handsome, the popular, the successful Toad!’ He got so puffed up with conceit that he made up a song as he walked in praise of himself, and sang it at the top of his voice, though there was no one to hear it but him. It was perhaps the most conceited song that any animal ever composed.

The world has held great Heroes,
As history-books have showed;
But never a name to go down to fame
Compared with that of Toad!

The clever men at Oxford
Know all that there is to be knowed.
But they none of them know one half as much
As intelligent Mr. Toad!

Finally, our title for today: the collective for a group of toads is a “knot”.

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Filed under Conservative Party policy., education, Independent, Literature, Michael Gove, Observer, pubs, Quotations, reading, Steve Bell


When Malcolm’s alter-ego was a Borough Councillor, Tories had a constant (and even honourable) line on compulsory purchase: they were against it on principle.

That got in the way of many worthwhile municipal schemes, or involved extra expense to “persuade” the sellers of the needed land.

Which makes him raise a wry eye-brow when he reads this, in today’s Times (£ — page 39 of the print edition):

Landowners are entitled to compensation from shale gas companies in return for allowing drilling. If they are still opposed, companies would have to acquire the land under a compulsory purchase order, but this can take several years and would be hugely expensive.

The Times revealed last month that the shale gas industry was talking to the Government about closing the loophole.

A bit more than a “loophole”, one might feel:

  • It certainly plays fast-and-loose not just with any concept of “property”.
  • Any Conservative should recall Margaret Thatcher (in her Reagan lecture of December 1997):

A totally planned society and economy has the ability to concentrate productive capacity on some fixed objective with a reasonable degree of success; and do it better than liberal democracies. But totalitarianism can only work like this for a relatively short time, after which the waste, distortions and corruption increase intolerably.

Does that define the ConDem unquestioning support for fracking as “totalitarian”, leading to “waste, distortions and corruption”?

  • It also plays hell with language, extending mightily the metaphor of “loophole”.

Consider meaning 3 in the OED:

fig. An outlet or means of escape. Often applied to an ambiguity or omission in a statute, etc., which affords opportunity for evading its intention.

 The Times, normally so “conservative” (a capital letter C is optional there), is gung-ho for fracking. We have today a singularly-misguided second leader:

Environmental Dogma

Opposition to fracking and GM crops is anti-science and harmful to the world’s poor

That sub-heading goes missing in the on-line version, unless one clicks past the “taster”. The whole piece is a paean of praise for Owen Patterson (who is not only Environment Secretary, but about as far-to-the-right as any member of this benighted administration).

After a couple of paragraphs on GM crops, we go off on a side-track for this:

Debates over government policy on agriculture and energy are right and inevitable. They should be founded on evidence, however. The environmental groups’ campaigning is instead based on an obscurantist hostility to science itself. Mr ­Paterson is right to call it what it is.

Fracking involves blasting shale rock with water at very high pressures to release the gas. Environmental groups maintain that this activity can cause tiny earthquakes and that the toxic chemicals used in fracking may contaminate ground­water.

In practice, any seismic activity that has been produced by the fracking boom in the United States has been negligible — indeed unobservable by anyone except geologists. Contamination of the water supply is not strictly impossible, in the sense that science does not rule absolutely preclude any scenario that meets the conditions of logic.

Yet there is no evidence that any such scenario has occurred. To issue such warnings with no evidence, or even a plausible explanation by which it might occur, is irresponsible. It is not part of any scientific debate: it is baseless superstition. The benefits of fracking, conversely, in limiting the ­environmental impact of energy exploration and in diversifying Britain’s energy mix are huge.

The biggest losers as a result of the anti-science thrust of much campaigning by Greenpeace and its equivalents, however, are the one billion people still classified as hungry.

The Times‘s dismissal of the many proven unpleasantnesses and dangers of tracking is disingenuous, to say the least.

Unobservable by anyone except geologists ?

To claim that seismic activity [read: earthquakes]has been negligible — indeed unobservable by anyone except geologists is patently untrue:

New research officially confirmed that ‘fracking’ caused the set of nearly a dozen mysterious earthquakes in Ohio in 2011. 

Scientists have spent the past two years trying to explain why Youngstown, Ohio- a town where there had been now reported earthquakes before December 2010- suddenly fell victim to 109 small quakes. [The Daily Mail, 5 Sep 2013]

They started small, but On Dec. 31, 2011, at 3:05 p.m., Youngstown was stirred by a 3.9 quake. For what it’s worth, a 3.91 quake is what was produced by a GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast, “touted as the most powerful non-nuclear weapon ever designed.” Non-geologists might notice that one.

Not just Ohio, either:

In 2010 and 2011, there were as many as 1,000 minor earthquakes in Arkansas. And scientists believe they were caused by fracking.

Seismologists at the U.S. Geological Survey say the disposal of millions of gallons of wastewater flowback as part of the fracking process can create “micro earthquakes,” which are rarely felt, and also the rare larger seismic disruption. Scientists say that’s what happened in Greenbrier, Arkansas, where the quakes damaged homes.

Yesterday, five local residents settled for an undisclosed sum of money after suing two oil companies. Those five residents aren’t the only ones suing Chesapeake Energy and BHP Billiton. Twenty other residents are expecting to file lawsuits in Arkansas state court, according to Reuters. [The Atlantic Cities, 29 Aug 2013]

And again:

The earthquake registered a magnitude 5.7*—the largest ever recorded in Oklahoma—with its epicenter less than two miles from the Reneaus’ house, which took six months to rebuild. It injured two people, destroyed 14 homes, toppled headstones, closed schools, and was felt in 17 states. It was preceded by a 4.7 foreshock the morning prior and followed by a 4.7 aftershock… Between 1972 and 2008, the USGS recorded just a few earthquakes a year in Oklahoma. In 2008, there were more than a dozen; nearly 50 occurred in 2009. In 2010, the number exploded to more than 1,000. [Mother Jones, March-April 2013]

And yet again:

A recent wave of small earthquakes in and around the Eagle Ford formation in Texas was probably the result of extracting oil and in some cases water used for hydraulic fracturing, according to a study.

Clusters of small-magnitude seismic events between November 2009 and September 2011 were “often associated with fluid extraction,” according to the study scheduled to appear this week in the online edition of the journal Earth and Planetary Science Letters. The study follows previous research that links earthquakes to the disposal of drilling wastewater by injecting it underground. [Bloomberg, 27 Aug 2013]

Contamination of the water supply is not strictly impossible ?

Pity the editorial writer at The Times didn’t consult the other end of the Murdoch operation, at the Wall Street Journal:

Chemicals found in a Wyoming town’s drinking water likely are associated with hydraulic fracturing, the Environmental Protection Agency said Thursday, raising the stakes in a debate over a drilling technique that has created a boom in natural-gas production.

The agency’s draft findings are among the first by the government to link the technique, dubbed “fracking,” with groundwater contamination. The method—injecting large volumes of water, sand and chemicals to dislodge natural gas or oil—has been criticized by environmentalists for its potential to harm water supplies, which the industry disputes …

The EPA has responded to several instances of potential fracking contamination, including in Texas and Pennsylvania. In Texas, the EPA ordered a company, Range Resources, to provide fresh drinking water to residents who said their water was contaminated. The case is the subject of a lawsuit.

The agency ordered Pennsylvania to tighten its standards related to removal of drilling wastewater and recently said it would consider nationwide standards for disposal of such water.

Let’s bring that Pennsylvania reference up to date:

Pennsylvania’s Attorney General has filed criminal charges against ExxonMobil for illegally dumping tens of thousands of gallons of hydraulic fracturing waste at a drilling site in 2010. The Exxon subsidiary, XTO Energy, had removed a plug from a wastewater tank, leading to 57,000 gallons of contaminated water spilling into the soil.

… a July study found that the closer residents live to wells used in fracking, the more likely drinking water is contaminated, with 115 of 141 wells found to contain methane. [Thinkprogress, 11 Sep 2013]

If it’s in your coffee and shower water, what about the air you breathe? —

study by researchers with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in late 2012 reconfirmed earlier findings of high rates of methane leakage from natural gas fields that utterly vitiate any climate benefit of natural gas, even when used as an alternative to coal.

Previous findings showed leakage of 4% methane leakage over a Colorado gas field and the new findings have more than doubled that to 9%.

Gas drilling operations release airborne contaminants that can have detrimental effects on our health.  Areas where there is gas production have reported significant increases in ozone, commonly known as smog, because some of the toxic precursors to smog, such as volatile organic compounds and nitrogen oxides are released during the process that brings natural gas from the ground to market.  Lisa Jackson, former Administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) admitted in an interview with National Public Radios’ Michele Norris at the Aspen Ideas Festival in June 2011, “You are going to have huge smog problems where you never had them before……These are rural areas. … There is a lot of activity around those wells and that has an impact on air quality — and we know it already.” [Catskillmountainkeeper]

Fracking sitesMoreover, in Britain, we are not talking of fracking out where there’s land, lots of land under starry skies above, as’s map (right) shows.

Malcolm admits a personal interest here. Two of those sites are just down the road from his new home. Dart Energy have rights all the way from Easingwold, to Tadcaster, and all the way to the centre of the city of York.

Fracking Tories

In those days of Borough Councillorship, Malcolm’s alter-ego (see top of this posting) could see where the Tory side was on the matter of compulsory purchase.

Similarly, it is comforting to observe, as at the Manchester Conference, that many Tories today remain uncomfortable with George Osborne’s approach:

Chancellor George Osborne has sent a strong message to the Conservative rural heartlands, warning that he will fight any Tory backlash against fracking and saying that it would be a real tragedy if Britain allowed the shale gas energy revolution to bypass the UK.

Research conducted by Greenpeace has shown that 38 out of 62 MPs in the south have land with existing oil and gas drilling licenses – and 35 of them are Conservatives, including many cabinet ministers.

It raises the prospect that many Tory backbenchers in the run-up to the 2015 election will find themselves conflicted by the demands of the UK economy and business to exploit the reserves, and opposition from environmental groups as well as many of their anxious constituents.

ConHome and senior voices in the Tory Party have to be rounded up to keep the line.

For how long? 

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Filed under Britain, economy, gas, George Osborne, health, politics, Times, Tories., United States

Something interesting in the State of Maine

Following from that previous post

If history is about chaps, and geography about maps, what to say about the State of Maine?

Just as the shape of Ireland on the page has a sort of teddy-bearish look to it (even down to Lough Neagh providing the eye), Maine might, just might be Homer Simpson in a bad light.

Rude comparison

Then the State seems a bit of an after-thought, the left-over of the American Colonies — and it was never one of the Colonies, only achieving separation from Massachussetts as an aftermath of true War of 1812. If you don’t see the connection between the secession in 1820 and that rather pointless, pathetic War, it’s because the mercantile classes of Maine sympathised with the British and refused to defend against an invasion from Canada.

Do different

In politics, Maine has two quite-remarkable Senators, both (by contemporary standards) “moderates” — and Malcolm fully recognises that term damns them in the eyes of extremists. Angus King is an Independent (though caucuses with the Democrats) and Susan Collins is that most egregious of creatures, a RINO, and one of “the last survivors of a once common species of moderate Northeastern Republican“. At one stage Collins and Olympia Snow were the two Senators from Maine — which must mark some kind of feminist achievement (or recognition of talent by the electors) — and were instrumental in getting President Clinton extricated from that jumped-up impeachment.

Well, Susan Collins is at it again

As the NY Times relates:

As the government shutdown dragged on, Senator Susan Collins of Maine was spending another weekend on Capitol Hill, staring at C-Span on her Senate office television as one colleague after another came to the floor to rail about the shuttered government.

Frustrated with the lack of progress, Ms. Collins, a Republican, two Saturdays ago quickly zipped out a three-point plan that she thought both parties could live with, marched to the Senate floor and dared her colleagues to come up with something better. A few days later, two other Republican female senators eagerly signed on — Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, who overcame the Tea Party to win re-election in 2010, and Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire, who benefited from the Tea Party wave.

Together the three women started a bipartisan group whose negotiating framework formed the centerpiece of a tentative Senate deal nearing completion Monday to reopen the federal government and avert a disastrous default.

Let me count the ways (and means)

The “three-point plan” sounds simple, but isn’t:

First of all, the first point of the plan would fund government for the next 6 months at the level of $986 billion. So that would allow for government to immediately re-open.

Second, it would repeal the tax on medical devices and equipments such as x-ray machines and pacemakers. This tax will only serve to drive up the cost of health care because it will be inevitably passed on to the consumer. It will stifle innovation. And industry estimates it will lead to the loss of some 43,000 jobs. It is a tax that does not makes sense.

The third point of our plan … would provide flexibility to federal managers in dealing with sequestration, but it does so in a way that preserves the important congressional oversight.

The first of those acknowledges that the GOP line is for a short-term commitment — whereas the Obama choice would be a longer-term increase to the overall debt ceiling. The second would almost certainly attract wide support from all sides: the tax is profoundly unpopular. The third amounts to budgetary column-shifting, a “virement”.

We few, we happy few, we band of sisters

Just four of 46 Republican Senators (8.6%) are women — apart from the three mentioned above, the fourth is Deb Fischer  from Nebraska (pro-life, pro-guns, “staunch conservative”). There are sixteen Democrats, out of 52 (30.7%).

What intrigues is how women — and women as “moderate” as modern Republicanism just about tolerates — seem to be making the running.

Credit where it is due.

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Filed under politics, Republicanism, United States, US politics

Jon Stewart contrasts Tehran and Tea Party

Still running on the Doonesbury mud- line:

If it turns out that President Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable totalitarian mullahs in the world, but not with Republicans, maybe he’s not the problem.

Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, 1st October 2013.

Yes: Malcolm knows you came across that before, but every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better.

Or, if you want that visually (courtesy of the Wapo/ABC Poll):


Cue Healey’s First Law of Holes (New Statesman, 8th November 1986):

When in one, stop digging.

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Filed under Doonesbury, Quotations, Republicanism, United States, US politics

Yes, Iain, you have a point

Back end of last week, before “National Fungus Day” (no relation), Iain Dale made a salient point on his self-promoting blog, repeating from ditto on ConHome:

I have to say I find the growing tendency of MPs to report people (and each other) to the Metropolitan Police deeply disturbing. They rarely do it because they think there’s a case to answer. They do it because their party HQs tell them to, the whips tell them to, or because they think it’ll get the a page lead in the Daily Mail or The Sun. And invariably they are right.

That, it seems, was composed before Ms Natalie Rowe revealed (ahem!) that she, in her knickers and top, had been confronted  by a Metropolitan raiding party, complete with battering ram and giant crochet hook. So, who — clearly someone (unlike us “little people”) with big enough boots to kick the Met  into instant action — laid mistaken “information” against Ms Natalie Rowe? May we assume maliciously?

Conspiracy theorists (unlike Ms Rowe) would have a simple answer for that one. Many invoke the putative 18th baronet of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon, or at least those “friends” who serially appear in off-the-record political briefings. The kind of stooge to whom Iain Dale refers.

Yet conspiracy theorists are not, necessarily, always wrong. After all, pre-Crash, didn’t many of us suspect bankers were crooks?

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Filed under blogging, ConHome, Conservative family values, George Osborne, Iain Dale

Thanks, Ms Ro(w)e

Now here’s an interesting coincidence:

Exhibit 1:

From the Daily Telegraph‘s Mandrake column, 29th September 2013:

Damian McBride’s autobiography was described as the “literary equivalent of a suicide belt” that the former right-hand man to Gordon Brown detonated at the Labour Party conference last week. It is, however, the memoirs of a lesser-know figure that hang over the Conservatives’ gathering in Manchester.

Mandrake hears that a book has been completed by Natalie Rowe, the dominatrix once, memorably, pictured in a photograph with George Osborne, the Chancellor.

The former brothel-owner, known professionally as “Miss Whiplash”, is understood to be in “advanced negotiations” with a leading publisher over its release, which is likely to be accompanied by a tabloid newspaper serialisation.

“They are dynamite,” one of Rowe’s friends tells me. “They are full of sensational claims about her time as a dominatrix and she is prepared to name names.”

article-2036563-0DD9E23F00000578-206_233x299Nothing out-of-the-ordinary there. Ms Rowe has been promising us “revelations” for several years; and the “particulars” have been in the “public domain” since the News of the Screws blew the gaff, back in October 2005 (as right).

So, onwards and downwards, for

Exhibit 2:

From the Sunday People, 13th October 2013:

George Osborne: Cops raid home of ex-vice madam about to tell all on wild parties involving top Tories

Natalie Rowe was warned not to “open a can of worms” before publishing new claims about her relationship with the Chancellor

Ex-vice madam Natalie Rowe has had her home raided by police days before she will make new claims about her relationship with Chancellor George Osborne, the Sunday People reports.

Up to 12 Drugs Squad officers armed with a battering ram burst into her London flat in a dawn swoop claiming they were acting on a tip-off from a member of the public.

But no drugs were found in the two-hour search during which Miss Rowe claims she was threatened with being handcuffed – and had questions asked about her forthcoming autobiography.

The book is expected to make ­embarrassing new claims about Mr Osborne, who was allegedly a regular guest at wild parties the dominatrix threw at her flat in the early 1990s.

Miss Rowe was raided just 48 hours after a national paper reported that her memoirs are due out later this month.

Move along now! Nothing to see here!

The official police version is quoted (by the Daily Mail, so it must be true):

Following information received, officers based in Kensington and Chelsea obtained a warrant to search an address under Section 23 of the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 on October 2.

No drugs were found and no one was arrested.

A formal complaint was received on October 9. It has been referred to the Directorate of Professional Standards (DPS). We are not prepared to discuss further.

One doesn’t need a rodent operator’s nose to small a rat. Who lobbed the gratuitous, and apparently untrue allegation of drugs? Do the Met Police always act so quickly, and so coincidentally quickly, on every bit of “information received”? And there’s either a misprint (should “October 2” be “October 12”?) or the warrant was independent of and precedes any “information received”.

All very odd.

What is touching, however, is another uptick in Malcolm’s nugatory statporn.

Suddenly there is an increased number of visits to an old post: Gids, white powder and a strong dusky arm.

So, thank you, Ms Rowe.

Onwards and all-to-the-fore

Malcolm admits he has to be very careful lest he confuses his Ms Rowes/Roes.

For he recalls the once-famed Erika of that alternative, shorter spelling, who made her mark with a topless half-time run across the sacred turf of Twickenham on 2nd January 1982.

England won 15-11, while Ms Erika Roe earned the gratitude of many rugby louts.

Erika helmeted


As has been often repeated, Ms Roe had a fellow-traveller on the pitch, one Sarah Bennett (seen — just — second right in that photograph, with her less prominent immodesty shielded by the Union Flag). For reasons into which we need not enquire, Ms Bennett failed to get the press coverage extended to Ms Roe.

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